Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
