My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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