This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
