So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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