she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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