Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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