Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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