theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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