I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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