I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
