You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize