So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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