Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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