if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
