Fuck appropriateness.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
