she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize