I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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