I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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