I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
