he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize