Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
