there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
