Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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