my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
