I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
