Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
