Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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