So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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