Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The Olympian is in my bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
