Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
