Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize