is your mom at the bar?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
