Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
