I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
