Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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