Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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