I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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