saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
