I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
God, I missed his penis.
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