so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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