i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
