Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
