I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize