Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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