Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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