At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
