i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
