She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
