My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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