you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
