We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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