Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
