based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
