Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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