Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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