i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
