I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
