I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
