he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
