you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
