My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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