I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
