Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
