from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No subtext here. People are naked.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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