There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
