Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
