yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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