thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Randomize
