And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
